Rigathi Gachagua has been running what looks like a very serious community motivational programme… but with unexpected comedy twists. In his version of Kenya, Kikuyus are not just citizens — they are apparently the “engine, gearbox, and spare tyres” of the country.
And now some supporters proudly say things like: “bira sisi hii Kenya haiwezi simama… biashara zote ni zetu.” At this point, even petrol stations are allegedly waiting for Kikuyu approval before opening. He has also been reminding people that other communities “don’t like them.” This has now produced a new daily slogan in some circles: “Unajua hatupendwi… so lazima tujipende… hata tukijipiga makofi ya self-love.” Self-esteem has officially been upgraded to group activity.
Then there is the new classification system. If you don’t agree, you are not just wrong — you are promoted to “enemy,” “traitor,” or “tukunia.” Simple disagreement has now become national security issue. Even WhatsApp arguments are getting serious titles. History also got a small remix. We are now hearing claims like Kikuyus “single-handedly fought for independence.” Historians are currently sitting quietly, sipping water, and asking themselves if they read the wrong textbooks.
Then came the medical theory… where even diseases are allegedly being assigned ethnic targets. Some supporters are now confidently saying: “hii ebora imetumwa itufirisiche juu tunasema ni Wantam.” At this point even science is asking for transfer.
In short, what started as politics has slowly turned into a full comedy series — where one group is told they are everything, others are suspects, and even viruses are allegedly taking sides. Kenya now feels like one big village meeting… but with unlimited imagination and very loud speeches.
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